Mindset | Lifestyle | Living Better

Peace Is Not the Absence of Problems

It's a choice we make, again and again, right in the middle of real life.

If you've been following along lately, you've probably seen a lot new adventures. A new chapter in Florida. Me, enjoying life. And all of that is true. I'm genuinely grateful for this season. But here's what you don't always see: it doesn't come without problems.

For the past several months, several people in my family are facing difficult/serious health issues.

If you've ever loved someone through a health challenge, you know how that feels. It's always there in the background: the phone calls, the waiting, the worrying, the praying. It comes along even on the sunniest beach days.

I'm not sharing this so anyone will feel sorry for me. I'm sharing it because I want you to know that peace and hard seasons can live in the same life.

So why don't I talk about it more?

Not because I'm pretending everything is perfect. It's because I've learned something important about where I put my attention.

Everyone Has Something

We scroll through other people's lives and assume they have it all together.

They don't. Neither do I.

Everyone you meet is carrying something: a health worry, a family concern, a money stress, a relationship that's hard right now, or a plan that fell apart.

And sometimes the hardest things are the ones we can't fix for the people we love. We can show up, support them, and pray, but we can't make it all go away.

Problems aren't a sign that you're doing life wrong. They're a sign that you're doing life.

The question isn't "How do I get rid of every problem?" It's "How do I live well while I have them?"

When You Keep Retelling It, You Keep Reliving It

Here's something I've noticed in myself and in the people I coach.

When we tell our stressful story over and over, to friends, to coworkers, on social media, and in our own heads, we don't just remember it.

We relive it.

Our shoulders tighten. Our stomach knots. The frustration comes right back, as if it's happening all over again.

One hard phone call can turn into a hard week, simply because we keep replaying it.

That's why I choose not to make my problems the main topic of my life. I deal with them. I take care of what needs taking care of. And then I set them down.

Your Brain Builds What You Practice

As a cognitive health coach, I talk a lot about neuroplasticity, your brain's amazing ability to change and rewire itself.

Here's the simple version: what you focus on again and again gets stronger.

If you keep practicing worry, your brain gets very good at worry. If you keep practicing complaining, it becomes your default setting.

The good news works the same way.

If you practice noticing what's good, what's working, and what you're grateful for, your brain gets better at finding those things too.

Yes, You're Allowed to Vent

Let me be clear: keeping your peace doesn't mean stuffing your feelings down.

We all need to vent. We all need someone who will listen while we say, "This is hard."

Venting is healthy when it helps you release something.

It stops helping when it turns into living there.

Visit your problems when you need to. Talk them through. Then come back out into the light. Just don't move in and unpack.

There Is So Much Good, Even Now

Even in this heavy season, my days are full of good.

I've met so many wonderful people along this journey. Kind, generous, interesting people who have welcomed me, shared their stories, and reminded me how much goodness there is in the world.

I watch the sun rist and set almost every morning and evening (a very cool part of the Panhandle area...you get to see both sunrise and sunsets). I walk on the beach and feel the sand under my feet. I soak up the warm weather and the sunshine on my face.

None of that makes the worry go away. But it fills me back up, so I have more to give to the people I love.

Hard things and good things happen side by side. They always have.

When we only talk about the hard things, we miss the good things standing right next to them.

And there is so much good in this world, if we're willing to look for it.

Simple Ways to Protect Your Peace

Peace is a lifestyle choice, just like how we eat, move, and sleep. Here are a few things that help me:

• Solve, then release. Ask, "What can I do about this right now?" Do it, then give yourself permission to stop thinking about it.
• Choose your listeners. Vent to one or two trusted people, not to everyone you meet.
• Watch your words. Notice how often "I'm so stressed" comes out of your mouth. Try "I'm handling a lot, and I'm handling it."
• Look for three good things. Every evening, name three good moments from your day, no matter how small.
• Move your body and get outside. A walk, some fresh air, or sunshine can shift your mood faster than another hour of thinking.
• Guard your inputs. Limit the news, the scrolling, and the conversations that leave you drained.
• Breathe before you react. One slow, deep breath creates space between what happens and what you do next.

Try This Today

Think of one problem that has been taking up a lot of space in your mind.

Ask yourself:

• Is there one small action I can take on this today?
• Who is one person I can talk this through with, once?
• What is one good thing happening in my life right alongside this?

Write your answers down. Take the action. Then let yourself spend the rest of the day noticing the good.

Choosing Peace, Again and Again

I still have problems. I'll probably always have some.

But I've decided they don't get to be the loudest voice in my life.

Peace isn't something you find once everything is fixed. It's something you practice right in the middle of everything that isn't. Protect your peace. 

So take care of what you can. Vent when you need to. And then lift your eyes and look around.

There is so much good waiting for you to notice it.

Ready to Build a More Peaceful Mindset?

If you're ready to change the habits and thought patterns that keep you stuck in stress, I'd love to help you rewire them, one small step at a time.

Wendy Francis, NBC-HWC
Board-Certified Health Coach
healthcoachwendy.com

A Note From Wendy: This article reflects my personal experiences and perspectives and is meant to encourage and uplift. It is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you are struggling with ongoing stress, anxiety, or depression, please reach out to a qualified professional for support.