How to Handle High-Drama Clients Without Absorbing Their Energy
by Wendy Francis, Board-Certified Cognitive Health Coach & Founder of The Coaching Collective
As a coach, you guide people through struggle, emotion, and transformation. But some clients bring more intensity than others — constant crises, emotional roller coasters, urgent late-night messages, or volatile reactions when they feel challenged.
These clients aren’t “bad” clients. They’re dysregulated clients. And they require strategy, not emotional absorption.
The goal is simple: coach them without carrying them.
Why Drama Drains Coaches
High-drama clients often operate from a dysregulated nervous system — meaning they respond with intensity because their brain is wired to detect threat where none exists. When coaches absorb that intensity, they unconsciously begin mirroring it. Neuroscience calls this emotional contagion1, where the brain picks up on another person’s stress and reacts as if it were our own.
This leads to overthinking, tension, exhaustion, and shifts in how you coach. You might try to “fix,” soften uncomfortable truths, or work harder than the client. This doesn’t serve them — and it drains you.
Your job is to stay regulated so your client can regulate with you.
Strategy #1: Don’t Match Their Emotion — Match Their Goal
If a client shows up overwhelmed, don’t meet their urgency. Meet their outcome. Reflect their goal, not their crisis:
“I hear the frustration. Let’s focus on the part you can influence today.”
You’re not minimizing their emotion — you’re redirecting their brain from chaos to clarity.
Strategy #2: Structure Is Your Protection
Dysregulated clients test boundaries, not because they’re disrespectful, but because their brain is seeking certainty and control. The solution is clarity, not flexibility. Use structure as support:
- Define communication hours
- Set clear expectations for session focus
- Use time limits (and honor them)
- Redirect emotional venting toward action
Structure helps them feel safe — and keeps you from becoming their emergency contact.
Strategy #3: Coach the Pattern, Not the Episode
High-drama clients often repeat the same emotional story with different characters. Instead of problem-solving episode after episode, zoom out:
“I’m noticing this shows up in multiple areas. Let’s work on the pattern, not just the moment.”
Once you name the pattern, the client stops chasing situations and starts working on self-regulation, responsibility, and calm action.
Strategy #4: Don’t Try to Calm Them — Help Them Ground
Telling a dysregulated client to “calm down” is like telling a drowning swimmer to “just breathe.” Instead, help them ground with something concrete:
- Ask them to slow their breathing
- Reflect the facts, not the feelings
- Clarify one decision they can make today
Grounding shifts them from emotional chaos to cognitive control.
Strategy #5: Their Results Are Not Your Responsibility
You guide. You don’t rescue. You support. You don’t carry. Clients must apply the work. If you don’t protect this boundary, you actually block their growth by doing the emotional labor for them.
You coach the effort, not the outcome.
Sources
- Hatfield, E., Cacioppo, J. T., & Rapson, R. L. (1994). Emotional Contagion. Cambridge University Press.
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for psychological or legal advice. Boundaries, client selection, and communication expectations should be guided by professional ethics and business policies within your coaching practice.