When the Holidays Trigger You — And What You Can Do About It
By Wendy Francis, NBC-HWC, Board-Certified Cognitive Health Coach
The holiday season can stir up more than festive joy — it often resurrects old memories, unresolved hurts, longings, and stress. Sometimes a phrase, a family dynamic, or an expectation can feel like a trigger. It may seem like “they” caused it. But here’s a powerful truth: triggers don’t operate on their own — your nervous system activates them, and you hold the power to choose your response.
When we understand what’s really going on in our brain and body, we can begin to shift — from reactivity to resilience, from overwhelm to calm, and from unhealed patterns to thoughtful responses.
What Is a Trigger (Really)?
A “trigger” happens when a present event — a word, a smell, a situation — taps into a past memory or emotional wound. Your brain and nervous system read it as danger, even if the moment is safe. This “stress-mode” response floods you with instinctive feelings: fear, anger, sadness, defensiveness. And during busy, emotionally-charged holidays, these triggers can come fast.
Holiday stress — disrupted routines, high expectations, family dynamics, financial pressure — can overload your nervous system. When you’re already tense, even small reminders can provoke strong reactions. [oai_citation:0‡Harvard Medical School](https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/holiday-stress-brain?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
Why Realizing It’s Your Response Matters
Thinking “They triggered me” gives away your power — it casts you as a victim of circumstance. But when you acknowledge, “My brain and body reacted that way because of past conditioning,” you reclaim control. You move from passive reaction to active response. And that’s where freedom begins.
Research shows that practices like mindfulness and controlled breathing reduce emotional reactivity — meaning your brain becomes less likely to overreact when a “trigger” appears. [oai_citation:1‡PMC](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3495556/?utm_source=chatgpt.com) Over time, this can rewire your emotional responses — you start responding with clarity instead of chaos.
How to Transform Triggers Into Growth: Practical Steps
Here are strategies I teach clients — simple, practical tools to help you pause, reset, and respond when holiday stress pushes your buttons:
- Pause and Breathe: When you feel your emotions rising — anger, anxiety, sorrow — stop for a moment. Take three slow, deep breaths. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and calms the emotional surge. [oai_citation:2‡PMC](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10741869/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
- Notice the Trigger Without Judgment: Name what you’re feeling (“I’m feeling anxious,” “I’m feeling hurt,” “I’m feeling overwhelmed”). Naming gives you distance. It turns an automatic reaction into a conscious moment of awareness.
- Ask Yourself: What’s Real, and What’s From the Past? Often, triggers pull up old memories or fears. Ask: “Is this about what’s happening now — or something old resurfacing?” That awareness can stop a reactive pattern in its tracks.
- Choose a Response — Not a Reaction: You don’t have to lash out, withdraw, or stay stuck in pain. Take a step back, set a gentle boundary, change the space, or talk things out once you’re calm. Your brain and nervous system work better when you respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
- Ground and Reset Daily: Make a small, regular practice of grounding — 5–10 minutes of mindfulness, prayer, journaling, or calm breathing. Over time, this strengthens emotional regulation and trains your brain to respond, not react. [oai_citation:3‡Frontiers](https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/neuroscience/articles/10.3389/fnins.2019.01074/full?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
- Set Boundaries & Self-Care Before the Stress Hits: Know your limits, rest when you need to, protect your space when things get too loud emotionally, and give yourself grace. This reduces overload and keeps your nervous system regulated. [oai_citation:4‡Therapy Group of DC](https://therapygroupdc.com/therapist-dc-blog/why-holiday-anxiety-feels-different-than-everyday-stress-and-what-to-do-about-it/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
- Reach Out for Support: You don’t have to walk this journey alone. A trusted friend, a counselor, or even a coach can help you process big feelings so you don’t get stuck in a triggered loop. Emotional health is just as important as physical health — often more so.
Turning Triggers Into Motivators — A Mindset Shift
What if, instead of seeing triggers as “failures” or reasons to feel ashamed, you saw them as signposts for growth? Every time an old emotional wound shows itself, you get a chance to respond differently — with awareness, calm, grace. That’s how healing begins.
You don’t have to pretend everything is perfect. But you do get to choose your response. Next time someone says something or something reminds you of the past — don’t reflexively react. Pause. Breathe. Pray or ground yourself. Ask yourself: “What truth do I want to respond with — fear or faith? Chaos or calm? Reaction or responsibility?”
When you lead with clarity and calm, you give yourself the freedom to choose peace — even in the middle of holiday chaos.
Final Thoughts + Invitation
You are not at the mercy of old stories, family expectations, or holiday stress — you have agency. With mindfulness, self-awareness, and intentional choices, you can navigate this season with strength, compassion, and calm.
If you’d like personal support in learning how to respond instead of react — especially during emotionally charged times like the holidays — I’m here for you.