The Next Chapter: Getting to Know Yourself Again

By Wendy Francis, NBC HWC
Board Certified Cognitive Health Coach

“There comes a moment, after the children are raised and the work is done, when life finally hands you a mirror. In it stands the person shaped by every sacrifice and every act of love. And in these golden years, it is okay to pause, reflect, and finally get to know yourself.”

For so many of us, life has been a long season of showing up for everyone else. You raised children. You worked hard. You poured into a marriage, a career, a church, a community. You carried calendars, car seats, and responsibilities. You did the late night laundry, the early morning emails, the volunteering, and the constant yes even when you were exhausted.

And then, almost quietly, the season begins to shift. The kids are grown. Work is slowing down or changing shape. Your schedule looks different. The house may be quieter. The phone does not ring quite as often. And suddenly, you realize that life is handing you a mirror and asking a simple but profound question.

Who are you now?

Why This Season Can Feel Uncomfortable Even If You Have Been Waiting for It

You may have dreamed of this stage for years. The day you would finally have more time. The day you would not be rushing. The day you could sit with a cup of coffee and not be needed by anyone. And yet, when it arrives, it can feel unsettling.

That discomfort is completely normal. For decades, your identity may have been wrapped in roles such as parent or caregiver, employee or leader, volunteer or church worker, supportive spouse, sibling, or friend. Research on retirement and the empty nest period describes how shifts in roles can change well being and self concept, sometimes bringing relief and sometimes bringing a sense of loss, depending on the person and their support systems.

These roles are not a mistake. They are meaningful and honorable. They shaped your character and the way you love. But when a role quiets down, it can feel as though a part of you has gone quiet too.

Next Chapter

The Next Chapter is Not an Ending. It is a Beginning.

Culturally, we are often told that the golden years are a slow fade. Retire. Step back. Shrink your life. Try not to be a burden. But that is not the only story available to you.

What if this season is not a fade out, but a turning point. After years of pouring outward, this may be the first time you have the space to ask yourself meaningful questions.

• What lights me up now
• What do I enjoy apart from what I am expected to do
• What do I want the next five, ten, or twenty years of my life to feel like

This is not selfish. It is stewardship. Studies in aging and cognitive health repeatedly connect purpose, mental engagement, and supportive routines with better long term outcomes. In large population research, people with a stronger sense of purpose have shown lower risk of cognitive impairment over time.

It Is Okay to Pause, Reflect, and Really Get to Know Yourself

Many people feel guilt when life slows down. They think they should still be busy or productive in the same ways they always were. But your nervous system, your brain, and your heart all benefit from intentional pauses.

Brain networks that become more active during restful wakefulness are strongly linked with self reflection, emotional processing, and making meaning. That is one reason quiet time can feel so clarifying, especially in a season of transition.

Think of this season as a sacred pause. Not a full stop. A pause that allows you to look back with compassion, acknowledge what you have lived through, honor the version of you who kept going, and listen to what your heart is craving now.

Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself in This Season

You may want to journal on these, pray through them, or simply sit with them quietly.

• Who was I before everyone needed me, and which parts of that person do I miss
• What strengths has my life given me such as resilience, wisdom, empathy, or humor
• Where have I been on autopilot, and where do I want to be more awake and intentional
• What do I want my days to feel like now
• What relationships do I want to deepen or heal
• What have I always wanted to try but never had time for

There is no rush to answer these. Let them unfold.

Practical Ways to Start Getting to Know Yourself Again

1. Start a Gentle Reflection Ritual

Set aside ten to fifteen minutes a few times a week. Make a cup of tea or coffee. Sit in a chair you love. Use a notebook and reflect on three things from your past you are proud of, three things that were hard and what they taught you, and one small thing you are curious about exploring now.

2. Reconnect with Your Body and Brain

As a cognitive health coach, I see this all the time. When we care for the brain and body, clarity comes so much easier. Consider daily walks and notice how your mind feels afterward. Try light strength or balance work to feel more grounded. Nourish your brain with whole foods, good fats, hydration, and quality sleep. You are not chasing perfection. You are building a stable foundation for this next chapter.

3. Explore Joy Without a Job Attached

For years, most of what you did had a purpose tied to providing, caregiving, or serving. In this season, give yourself permission to do things simply because you enjoy them. Pick up an old hobby like music, art, golf, gardening, or reading. Try something new just for fun. Allow yourself to be a beginner again. Joy is not frivolous. Joy supports mood, motivation, and a sense of identity.

4. Redefine Purpose for This Chapter

Your purpose does not disappear when roles change. It changes shape. Your wisdom, your story, and your presence still matter. Purpose might look like mentoring someone younger, showing up intentionally for a few close relationships, serving in ways that use your strengths without draining you, or protecting and prioritizing your health so you can enjoy the years ahead. Purpose does not have to be loud. It can be calm, steady, and deeply meaningful.

You Are Still Becoming

If you feel a little lost right now, that does not mean you have done anything wrong. It may simply mean you have given so much of yourself for so long that it is finally time to turn some of that care inward.

You are not past your prime. You are not just coasting. You are still becoming.

These golden years are an invitation to see yourself clearly and kindly, to honor the person you have become through every season of life, and to choose, on purpose, how you want to live from here.

If you are in this transition and feeling unsure how to move forward, you do not have to figure it out alone. As a cognitive health coach, I help clients protect their brain health, reframe their thoughts, and design a life that feels meaningful in this chapter and the next. Your story is not over. You are allowed to rewrite the next part.

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Sources

• Kubicek, B., Korunka, C., Raymo, J. M., & Hoonakker, P. (2011). Psychological well being in retirement. Evidence from the Wisconsin Longitudinal Study. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology.
• Vigezzi, G. P., et al. (2025). Impact of retirement transition on health, well being and health behaviours. An overview of reviews. Social Science and Medicine.
• Hartanto, A., et al. (2024). Cultural contexts differentially shape parents’ loneliness and well being during the empty nest period. Frontiers in Psychology.
• Lewis, N. A., et al. (2025). Sense of purpose in life and extending the cognitive healthspan. American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry.
• UC Davis Health. (2025). Having a sense of purpose may protect against dementia. News release summarizing findings in American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry.
• Azarias, F. R., et al. (2025). The journey of the default mode network. Development, function, and relevance. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews.

Disclaimer

This content is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical, psychological, or psychiatric advice. It does not replace consultation with your physician, therapist, or other licensed healthcare provider. Always consult a qualified professional before making changes to your health, medications, or treatment plan.